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傷心是真的會傷害到心臟


根據2018年一份美國研究指出剛失去配偶的人在前六個月死亡機率會提高41%,主要因為喪偶的難過會引起高血壓,造成心臟較高的負荷,發生心血管疾病的機會提高53%,所以 #傷心 不止是抽象的,它更是具體對身體的一種傷害。

也許是大家都感覺到傷心的壞處,現代人越來越保護自己的心。但有時過分的保護只是讓我們的心變得更脆弱,我常覺得內心受傷就像跌斷腿一樣。受了傷,你需要休息、療傷、復健,然後重新出發。你不會因為腳受了傷,就一輩子不運動。但不分男女,工作幾年、在社會上累積了一些歷練後。大家反而都變得保守,也許是發現人生中有太多 #不可控制 的事,與其期待後失望,倒不如讓自己 #選擇放棄 。因為放棄後的失望,是相對自己的可以控制的情況。


我也曾經歷這種『凡事選擇放棄』的過去。剛離婚的我,家裡覺得一個女生離婚就是有瑕疵。我自己也覺得當初沒有眼光、識人不明。於是當遇到新的男生時,我就會不自覺的對人考驗。一下有公主病、一下又是情緒起伏大。慢慢的男生就不再連絡; 堅持下去的男生雖然令人感動,但我喜歡的只是對方對我的好。如果某天他因為心累、忙碌,沒有像過去對我那麼好,那時的我就會感覺不被愛,甚至是被背叛,想要結束這段關係。

自己的經驗後來也在許多客戶身上看到,直到最近看了 #療癒孤寂 才發現,原來我們都有著寂寞的傷。書中就有提到,當心裡某方面認定自己是孤寂者時,孤寂者會不自覺想要對人進行考驗。例如:我這麼難搞、這麼不好相處,你還願意在我身邊嗎?你會不離開我嗎?會有這樣的反應,主要是因為我們認定人際關係是被動的。要等著某個人,完全極致地主動給予和付出,確保他完全不離開,我才要接受這樣的一份關係。

原來當年的我,覺得是全世界帶給我孤寂的感覺時,其實那是我個人選擇的結果。最近看完療癒孤寂真的很想分享給大家。雖然這本書可能不像 #原子習慣那麼立竿見影。但如果你耐著性子看完這本書,我相信你會獲得更多的信心及勇氣。這個時代如果你腳受傷,大家都會看見,也會對你特別的禮讓及照顧。但心受了傷,只有你自己可以讓它慢慢痊癒。請好好善待你的心,也別忘了幫它做點復健,我相信總有一天它可以很自然地再次面對新的人生及挑戰

後記

我真的是心傷過腿斷過的過來人


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