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Marie Claire Dating專欄:學生「應該」談戀愛


Marie Claire Dating專欄:學生「應該」談戀愛

文章由香港Lunch Actually創辦人兼CEO Violet Lim執筆

有天我在Starbucks打發時間,坐在我身旁的幾位女學生正談得興高采烈,原來她們在交換秘密......

「我有一個秘密要告訴你們!」
「是甚麼?快說!」
「我的牙醫長得超帥!」
「真的嗎?他今年幾歲?結婚了嗎?」

我聽到這裡,我忍不住笑了,因為這情境令我想起我自己的成長趣事。所謂少女情懷總是詩,在成長過程中,少不免有暗戀、單戀、曖昧等不同的經驗。

記得曾有人問我:「學生應否談戀愛?」。

我知道有很多家長很反對子女在求學時期談戀愛,因為擔心他們未能專注學業。因失戀而成績一落千丈的例子或許未夠震撼,更可怕的故事是,有學生因失戀而企圖自殺。身為媽媽的我,當然明白家長們的憂慮,但我對此事有另一個看法。

在這13年的配對經驗裡,我在公司見過無數的單身男女。有一些會員去了幾次約會過就找到另一半。但有一些男女總令我們頭痛,他們攜母親作伴,參加我們安排的約會諮詢,在諮詢中,媽媽總不禁提出很多意見,主動為子女列出「合適」的擇偶條件。

再深入探討,才發覺這些單身人士往往沒有太多戀愛經驗。不是說沒有戀愛經驗就代表較吃虧,只是如果到了30出頭都未有相關經驗的話,他們的愛情觀通常會過於天真或未夠「貼地」。

在求學時期是認識新朋友或擴展社交圈子的最好時機,因為在大學裡面,很多人都還是單身,也沒有工作的壓力,思想也相對地單純。

20多歲和30多歲的約會模式是大有不同。到30多歲時,大家的事業漸上軌道,生活經驗也多了,自然會有比較多的包袱,不時問到「他從事那一行」、「經濟能力還可以嗎」;而求學時期的我們,在乎的只是「他合適我嗎」。

所以最終結論是,我贊成大學生談戀愛。而父母的角色不是單純禁止他們,而是在孩子成長過程中給他們灌輸正確的價值觀,讓他們有能力在不同的時候做出適當的決定。


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