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MARIE CLAIRE MARRIAGE專欄:婚姻保鮮秘訣


MARIE CLAIRE MARRIAGE專欄:婚姻保鮮秘訣

文章由香港Lunch Actually創辦人兼CEO Violet Lim執筆

剛剛跟老公Jamie慶祝了我們的結婚紀念日。轉眼間,我們已經結婚12年。

新認識的朋友都以為我們也是由約會公司介紹而認識。 其實,Jamie是我大學時的師兄,而我們初次的約會也剛巧在午餐時間。簽一紙婚書是一件很簡單的事,但要維繫一段美滿婚姻,就需要一些竅門。:)

有朋友好奇,為什麼我跟老公如此恩愛,以為我們不會吵架。事實上,世界上沒有不吵架的夫妻,只有懂得處理吵架的夫妻。在爭執時,情侶最忌對人不對事,最常見的就是由理論演變為人身攻擊。在吵架上,我學會了避免指罵,只用「你」為吵架內容。當老公賴在沙發上看電視,又沒有幫忙做家務時,不要說:「你就是這麼懶惰,從不幫忙做家務!你知道我有多累嗎?」,反而可試說:「老公,我今天工作很累,你可以陪我一起做家務嗎?我就可以早一點休息。」自己所愛的老婆需要自己時,老公們當然樂意幫忙,同時這句話又不會帶來抱怨、令人煩厭的感覺。了解男女大不同也是一對夫婦的基本責任,因為大家在生理、心理上都有不同的需要,甚至期望。女士天生愛購物,男士倒愛看球賽。男士永遠不會明白為何即使老婆已有十雙黑色鞋子,還要多買一雙。女士又不能理解二十二個人搶一個球的樂趣在哪裡。就是因為大家的差異,男女走在一起才會擦出火花。

曾經有朋友跟我訴苦,數自己伴侶的不好,我總會當頭棒喝,「其實你的問題和一般的夫妻或情侶一樣。就算你換了一個老公或男朋友,同樣的問題依然會存在。」所以,男女方可以從了解大家的不同再作起步,重新了解及體諒對方。

對於還沒結婚的單身男女,維繫一段美滿婚姻的秘訣,就是要選擇一件合適的物件。有一些人說婚姻是戀愛的墳墓,但我認為墳墓的出現,是因為他們都是選錯了物件。可以和自己最愛的人共度一生,本應是一件很幸福的事。所以,不要被一些留於表面的擇偶條件阻礙你的幸福。我常跟女士們說,1.75米高 的男士沒有甚麼不好。不過,有這高度的男士不一定是一位好丈夫或好爸爸。為何不把擇偶條件設在對方的品格、價值觀或人生目標上呢?我和Jamie也在愛情上經歷了不少酸甜苦辣。我們雖然認識了17年,但我們仍然在認識、了解對方的階段中。


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