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MARIE CLAIRE MARRIAGE專欄:方法總比困難多


MARIE CLAIRE MARRIAGE專欄:方法總比困難多

文章由香港Lunch Actually創辦人兼CEO Violet Lim執筆

最近忽然想起一則舊新聞,當中有一對情侶訂了婚,甚至連酒席都安排好了。偏偏在這個時候,女方發現男方有外遇。女方非常生氣,因為對方已不是第一次搭上別的女生,男生依然堅持會改過自新。婚禮在即,這位女士不知如何是好,朋友都勸她要想清楚,但最後她還是決定如常舉行婚禮,因為她不懂如何跟家人交待。

得知這事後,我感到很難過,因為我的朋友也曾有類似的經驗,他們在婚前發生摩擦,即使到婚禮當天,大家心中仍有一根刺,經過數年後,他們的婚姻再也撐不下去了。所以,當時我並不看好這頭婚事。

有很多情侶都誤以為結了婚就是愛情贏家,但已婚的人都知道,結婚只是個起點,以後還有漫漫長路要一起走下去。如果大家有好的愛情基礎,未來的路就相對易走。相反,感情仍未穩定的情侶,就要加倍努力及小心,以防絆腳石的出現。最可惜是,有不少人因為發現路不易走,就決定半途而廢。

我建議遇上類似問題的情侶去進行婚前輔導,由第三者的介入,可以讓相方了解到事情的嚴重性,甚至從新角度更多了解你的另一半,再重新考慮對方是否一個值得走一輩子的人選。假如認識你的伴侶比你的面子更為重要,你要有心理準備,在婚後雙方的關係會產生更多的摩擦。

再者,關係的分裂不只令二人受傷害,很多時,無辜的孩子亦會受到牽連。即使父母離異,孩子總希望自己會得到父母的關注,他們不會介意在父母兩邊奔走,但如果可以,他們希望大家可以生活在同一屋簷下,在健康的家庭中成長。

很多人會說,結婚是兩家人的事,但最終都是由兩個人去決定。結婚絕不是解決問題的方法,如果不好好處理,你只是由得問題愈滾愈大。發現問題,就應該解決,無謂令問題發展至無法扭轉的局面。或者當中涉及不少面子的問題,但你甘心因為自己的面子,令你跟你愛的人愈走愈遠嗎?其實面對問題,沒有你想得那麼可怕。


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