3 Ways to Know If You Like Someone or If You’re Just Lonely

May 25, 2021

When you’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time and now you finally meet someone you like, a lot of questions pop in your mind, for examples “Do they really like me?” “Do I really like them?” or “Do I want a relationship or am I just lonely?”. Don’t worry, it’s normal. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. Receiving attention from someone new feels good. Here’s the 3 ways to know if you like someone or if you’re just lonely.

1. Assess your feeling

- Do you wait for their text or call?

The first of the 3 ways to know if you like someone or if you’re just lonely is to assess your feeling. When you are truly like someone, you really look forward to any connection you may have. You constantly check your phone for texts, calls, emails, etc. Just thinking about your next conversation makes you smile ear to ear. If you are dating them just to kill time you might be too lazy to reply to their messages.

- Do you feel good about yourself when you are together?

When you have found a good partner, you will notice that your personalities complement one another. Maybe they’re calm and you are more anxious. Or their presence improves your mood all day.

- Do you do your daily routine despites dating them?

If you are canceling plans or carving out time for a date, then you are probably not just dating to avoid being alone. It is important to establish your own routine and engage in activities that you enjoy on a daily basis. You can have a full life without an intimate partner. And when you do find “the one”, it is important to continue engaging in activities on your own in order to avoid losing yourself in the relationship.

2. Identify what you like about them

Season 1 Episode 6 GIF by Twin Peaks on Showtime

Identify what you like about them. What are you looking for in a partner? Helping to define what you want in a partner will help you understand whether this is a relationship that you would like to continue to explore. Spend some time reflecting on what attracted you to your partner. Sit down and make a list.

For examples, does your list describe their easy going, honesty, and family person, which are healthy traits to desire in a partner? Or, do you simply like that they are always available when you call?

Other examples might be that they’re attractive and make you look good in front of your friends. Maybe you don't care about them beyond the fact that they symbolize your ability to find an attractive mate.

Now for the moment of truth: ask yourself if there is something truly unique about them that attracts you. Reflect on this as you get space from the relationship. What are they providing that is special and different from what you get from others?

For instance, are you glad to have someone to go out with on weekends? Pretty much anyone can give you that. If that’s all you value about the other person, you could be unknowingly using them to avoid loneliness.

3. Title vs feelings

A relationship can be a status symbol. Sometimes, you might race to the DTR (Define The Relationship) because you’re tired of the grey area in your situation –– you want something clear. Or, you're tired of being the only single among your married friends. Other times, it could just be a matter of loneliness. Here’s the signs if you care about your relationship status rather than establishing a meaningful connection.

- You really care about make it official in social media

If you find that you're a social media junkie when it comes to outpourings of love, or are all-in on IG when your partner wants more privacy, chances are you care more about the idea of a relationship than the connection. You're so busy establishing relationship milestones that you forget to enjoy the moment and be in the present.

- You've been thinking about the status since day 1

If you were rushing on DTR-ing from the beginning, that's a tell-tale sign you care more about labels than actual romantic intimacy-building. The early stages of dating are all about getting to know someone and having fun. It's for that reason you should be more interested in getting to know them rather than locking in the girlfriend/partner/boyfriend title. Ask yourself: How well do you really know each other yet? Run through the "Would you rather?" questions. Pile on queries about favorite films, pet peeves, and hobbies. Use time to ask about their family, their dreams, and their regrets, too.

- Title is everything for you

A relationship may make you feel satisfied and more secure, but what pay-off is there without compatibility? Or if you don't have romantic feelings for them? If you don’t have romantic feelings for the other person and, but, are still pursuing something serious with them, something is up. At the end of the day, you want to be with someone where you feel some type of connection.

Ask yourself some critical questions, like, "Do you actually like them or are you pursuing them because you just need someone to step into the girlfriend/boyfriend role in your life?" and, "Would I actually be satisfied if this person became my boyfriend/girlfriend?"

Those are the 3 ways to know if you like someone or if you’re just lonely. Finding a match that’s compatible with you is not easy. Moreover, in the dating scene these days. Fret not! Our experienced love experts will help you! Click the banner below to find out more

Dirga Putra